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Post by Just Lorek on Jun 18, 2007 12:02:32 GMT -5
Shit, he's a vampire LARPer? Easy enough.
Get a glass bottle marked Holy Water (a small vial, really). Fill it with 24 molar hydrochloric acid. Apply liberally while chanting holy verse.
Should solve that problem nicely.
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Post by Glaive Company CO on Jun 18, 2007 12:20:56 GMT -5
The only thing to do to people like that is to out dork them. You have tried tactics that reasonable and sane people would try and he has not responded. The time has come to let the pendulum swing to the opposite extreme.
1. Force him to roll off to do things in the store. If he wants to enter he must successfully roll. If he wants to use the bathroom he must successfully roll. If he wants to leave he must successfully roll. Everytime he tries do do ANYTHING answer him with "roll it."
2. Treat him like a king. In fact, refer to him as "The King." Talk to him about his triumphs at the game of DOW and remind him that by being able to play a 15 man squad of marines with 2 missile launchers led by a chaplain and an apothecary riding around in a rhino online does in fact mean that he is qualified to describe himself as the greatest 40K player who has ever lived. Talk about the fact that the game against the kroot wasn't his fault and remind him of his greatness. Let him speak of nothing else but his greatest victory in game. Interupt him if he tries to change the subject or loses his train of though and make him finish the tale. When he's done simply answer with "Tell us again."
3. Try to get up in his grill. Really try to get personal with him and figure out what he's into. Invite yourself over. Find out where he is and be there to surprise him. In other words, become him. Show up where he's at and talk about how awesome you are at something. Do it until he retreats to one of his ghey vamp LARP forums and begs them for ideas on how to get rid of you.
These tactics will take alot of dedication, but the end result will be fantastic.
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Post by kostka malpa on Jun 18, 2007 14:27:14 GMT -5
Shit, he's a vampire LARPer? Easy enough. Get a glass bottle marked Holy Water (a small vial, really). Fill it with 24 molar hydrochloric acid. Apply liberally while chanting holy verse. Should solve that problem nicely. We tried that once he would not shut up about his character for 4 hours. I think we are going to take him out and leave him in a bad part of town and pretend we forgot about him. The only thing to do to people like that is to out dork them. Impossible, we have a guy who is in his mid 30's that wears goggles with a laser pen light duct taped on them and pretends he is a Borg. He does this at the college library no less. Chatty has him whipped in dorkyness boring this guy with Star Trek chatter which we thought was impossible when we saw it.
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Post by syaireba on Jun 18, 2007 14:41:22 GMT -5
My buddy Jim went through an...awkward phase in HS and thought (actively) that he was a vampire (the 2nd ed. of Vampire had just come out and we were all into it). We joked that one of these days we were going to buy a cheapy coffin, slip him a mickey, seal him inside, and take him to the beach or some equally dirt-y area, wait for him to come to and start piling dirt on top of the casket saying things like 'Don't worry Jim: we know you're really a vampire and are going to burst out any second now' or 'this is part of your induction into the Black Hand! Embrace the monster!' We never did though, because he discovered beer and girls, and we realized no one would visit us in jail.
Having said that...
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Post by Just Lorek on Jun 18, 2007 15:23:02 GMT -5
Um, you do know that 24 molar hydrochloric acid would burn like crazy, right?
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Post by Glaive Company CO on Jun 18, 2007 15:30:49 GMT -5
Not if he rolls an 11+ with his helm of deflection and demonic aura save.
You say it's impossible, but I still think that if one tries hard enough one can annoy even the most annoying. I could make an Amish elder punch me in the face even if he wasn't Han Solo. I could annoy anyone if I put my mind to it, and most times it takes very little effort.
As I said though, it takes much dedication for some and this guy sounds like he qualifies. I like your idea to drive him to the vet and put him down. Just tell him to get into the car because you guys are all going to GenCon or something. Then, let him ride the whole way with his head out the window panting and biting at the air because he's so excited. Finally, park the car int he woods and walk with him about 20 yards out and tie his leash to a tree. When you get... Wait! He is a dog right?
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Post by Nyarly on Jun 18, 2007 21:43:59 GMT -5
Exalt for this! Damn, you're on a roll in here Fellblade. So what is it, exactly, about game stores attracting the severely socially awkward? Most gamers I've met usually have at least a modicum of social skills, if occasionally a little light on the personal hygiene (thankfully I'm blessed with a local crowd of well groomed enthusiasts). But every game store, without fail, there is always, always at least one That Fucking Guy that regularly shows up and makes everyone cringe (or recoil in horror). As if being a social retard wasn't enough, That Fucking Guy is guranteed to be a stinker too, ensuring all senses and sanity are assaulted equally. Worse of all is if your LFGS is burdened with more than one, I know my old game shop in NoVA was. The first was this guy we all felt a little sorry for, as he actually had some sort of learning disability or other mental deficiency. Nobody ever knew or found out what exactly it was, but it was pretty clear he was missing several cans from his six pack. He was like this gentle giant, a 40 year old human puppy dog that bathed once a month (if that) and would babble all sorts of inane trivia constantly to anyone within ear shot (or not, as he would talk to himself also). This is also a grown adult that would make pew pew noises and giggle like a four year old while playing historicals. Given his excessive exuberance, bloated appearance and noxious smell, he was quickly dubbed the "Beast of Nurgle". Which, of course, we never called him in his face, he really couldn't help it. The other TFG (and infinitely worse) was Robert. He looked like a 6' tall Booger (from Revenge of the Nerds) with thick glasses, greasy matted up black hair ridden with dandruff, a face pockmarked from a lifetime of war against acne (which he was clearly loosing) and possessed all the social grace of a dog turd. About the best you could say about Robert is he bathed more often than Beast of Nurgle, but even then he never made it to the store without waiting several days as he always had this rancid rank odor about him, like a musty old sock or something. But what really makes Robert intolerable, was he was a living breathing example of the mouth breathing idiocy found on Bolter & Chainsword. Here is a guy that would spout out the most absurd rules interpretations with unwavering confidence that they are absolute truths. And he would do so at the top of his lungs, repeating the same nonexistant hooey until you draged out the rulebook (again) and looked up all the pertinent rules. He was a rules lawyer that didn't know what the rules were. This, of course, made Robert a real blast to play, since nobody new what rulebook he was getting his bullshit from. Even in Campaigns and how the fuck people kept letting him in, knowing every game with him was going to be an extended argument. In fact, I played this guy once, and only once and never again. I don't even think I finished that one game, as even insisting he point out where exactly in the rules his bullshit mouthbreathing interpretations were coming from. How we hated that guy. I'll have to mention the tazer to the guys up there, perhaps that will help them to get him to stop coming around.
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Post by Glaive Company CO on Jun 19, 2007 9:33:03 GMT -5
I wrote this a couple years ago along with a few other editorials. Even though it's been done before I think it's relevant here.
You Might Be A War Gamer If…
Sometimes I run into certain types of people when I go to game stores that just seem to fit into a certain category. I’m sure these categories are duplicated across the entire gaming community and not just in my own little regional experience so I thought I’d share some with you and see if you can recognize these in others or yourself.
Mr. Advice: This fuck hole is always full of useful information. He has apparently played every single army in every single system in every single scenario out there. This is, of course, amazing since no one has ever seen him actually play a single god damned game. If anyone ever talks tactics anywhere within a 500 foot radius of Mr. Advice he will lock into it like a freaking bat and be drawn to the discussion like an uninvited high power magnet. He will usually tell the involved parties that they’re fooling themselves and that his way is the way to go. The best part is that it usually involves some sort of bizarre tactic that sounds like the biggest load of horse shit anyone’s ever heard. Now, don’t get me wrong! I love strange surprise tactics, but Mr. Advice comes up with such crazy shit even I have to say “WTF?”
Mr. Undefeated: This guy is probably related to Mr. Advise since they both seem to only play their games in the secret world of Narnia where the rest of us mortals can’t witness them. Apparently, this shit head has played over ten-billion games and has only ever been defeated twice. The first time was when he didn’t quite understand the rules yet and the second time was when his opponent was cheating. Don’t try to ask Mr. Undefeated to play you because that will never happen. He will probably be pressed for time since he’s working a double shift at Shakey’s all week. If you happen to catch him on a weekend he won’t be able to play you then either. He will be waiting for an imaginary opponent who won’t show up. Luckily though, Mr. Undefeated will be able to utilize the time waiting to regale you with his countless stories of triumph over lesser opponents. Even though challenging such an opponent as Mr. Undefeated would seem very exciting he will make sure that you realize it would be pointless since he would probably score a complete victory before the first turn had even ended.
Mr. NoArmy: This guy is not to be confused with the kids or newbs that will come in with an incomplete or non-existent force and want to play the game to learn it or better their skills. No my friend, this guy is in a class all his own. He will usually look like a hobo or something that just wandered into a store one day and decided to play a miniature war game. You might even be lucky enough to be challenged by him! At which point you would say something like, “Sure, what army do you play?”
He will respond with a blank stare for a few minutes, then (as he’s looking over your shoulder at the display armies behind you) he will say something like “Deathwing Terminators!”
You will no doubt be impressed until you realize that he hasn’t actually made a Deathwing force…nor does he even know what a Deathwing force is. Since you’ll both be sharing the same set of dice, templates, and rulebook (yours) you’ll have plenty of time to get to know this fellow quite well. You’ll know him well enough to realize what a huge fucking retard he is anyways since the game will constantly stop while he asks the store manager or whoever owns the army what they (the army HE is playing) actually does in a game. It’ll undoubtedly be the best 8 hours you’ve ever spent playing a 1000 point game in your life!
Mr. NoRules/Mr. WrongRules: These two idiots will be covered in the same category since they are actually twins. When I say they’re twins I mean they’re Siamese twins who had to share the same brain but eventually just lost it and went their own way. Mr. NoRules doesn’t own a codex or rulebook and although he’s played games before he’s obviously relied on store copies or opponent’s books to play. This works OK unless the store copy is in use at the time he wants to play you. My favorite thing Mr. NoRules does is ask me what his special characters do. “Wow, you want to know what a chosen Nurgle terminator sergeant mounted on a bike does? Well, first off, you have to roll for instability, and by that I mean roll for the instability of the bike since it will probably tip over under the weight of so many broken rules you fucking waste of space!!” The best counter is to simply make shit up and say it like it’s gospel. Then, later when he confronts you about it after checking the codex just reply with a comment like “Oh, that was the ruling in the original printing. You should get the new one…or any one!”
Mr. WrongRules seems to have the same dysfunctional tendencies but with one important distinction: He owns the appropriate books. This of course, makes it even more confusing when he attempts to perform some half-assed illegal move during the game. You will question him on it which will start a 5 minute debate until you finally sit him down on your lap and read him the relevant sections of the rulebook (using your finger as a cursor as you read it aloud) to him. Then, the game can continue for 5 more minutes until the next debate starts up. The best part is that no matter how badly he remembers or miscomprehends the rules and you prove him wrong he will enter each new debate as though he is the undefeated champion of debate and you are the stupid one!
Mr. Hygene: This guy is probably my favorite because he is not limited to only one category. Mr Hygene could just as easily be Mr. NoArmy or Mr. Advise as well. It’s like adding a new level of greatness onto an already good thing, like when Reese’s decided to add caramel to their buttercups and send me into a diabetic coma every time I open the refrigerator now. This guy could actually be a nice person and a great gamer but you would never know it because of the toxic Nurglesque cloud that surrounds him everywhere he goes. Remember Pigpen from the Peanuts gang? Yeah, well it’s nothing like that. Pigpen actually entered this guys space and was heard to say “What the fuck dude!? You’ve got to see a specialist about that cause that shit’s rank man!” Then Pigpen died by choking on his own vomit. If you ever get into a game with this guy it’s best to play naked and wrap your clothes in a plastic bag to avoid having to burn them later. Hopefully, you won’t have to move any of your miniatures onto his side of the table since his toxic emanations seem to also act as an effective paint stripper. Sometimes you may even notice that Mr. Hygene is chewing some sort of mint flavored gum designed to freshen breath while simultaneously attracting females. It will be hard not to ask him what he thinks the fucking point of that is since fresh breath doesn’t really matter when birds actually fall dead out of the air when they enter within 20 feet of him, but try to resist the urge anyways. If you do manage to pull off a win against him consider yourself a top tier player since trying to play when your eyes are uncontrollably watering and the bile is continually at the back of your throat is a feat unto itself.
Mr. Talker: If you’ve ever wanted to know a gamers’ life story then Mr. Talker is going to be your favorite opponent. Now it’s always nice to get to know your opponent and chat as the game goes on, but this guy takes it to a whole new level. Every single move you make will remind him of an anecdote or some other drawn out story that may or may not have actually happened to him. The best part is that most of the incredibly long stories end with him saying something like, ”OK, so where were we?” Where were we? I don’t know! Apparently, we were at the farm you grew up on as s child trying to have sex with a retarded pig or whatever the hell you were just talking about! Frankly, it all got hazy once my brain disengaged and traveled out of my skull.
There is no real defense against this verbal onslaught either. Your eyes could roll back into your head and your body could collapse lifeless on the floor, but this crazy ass hole will continue to talk to you. In fact, he’ll probably walk around the table so he can stand over you while he talks. The only thing you can do is say something like, “Hey, fucktard. I don’t give a shit about where you grew up or who your first girlfriend was. I just want to get through this god damned game before we both die of old age!” Of course, then YOU would be the asshole and it might even get you less players as the tale of your rude outburst travels through the local gaming community. So, it’s best to just sit back and enjoy this guys amazing life story while you occasionally pause to move your miniatures around.
Mr. AttentionSpan: This guy is easily confused with Mr. Talker, but they are actually two separate entities altogether. This idiot is drawn to other people’s games and conversations like a moth to a 75 watt bulb. If there’s something going on somewhere he’s got to be in on it. When I say somewhere I mean anywhere besides the game that you and him are playing of course. Now, Mr. AttentionSpan may have an accomplice who is actually engaging him and bothering him, but instead of simply helping the poor mutant out or explaining that it can wait until the game is finished Mr. AttentionSpan will leave your game to go try to fix whatever world stopping event has occurred. It’s usually something really important too like correcting someone else’s poor rendition of a stupid comment they heard on SNL the night before. This is the same dipshit who might even try to play two games at once. You know, like that kid who could play multiple games of chess at the same time in that one movie. The only difference is that that kid was a genius and Mr. AttentionSpan is a fucking moron.
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Post by syaireba on Jun 19, 2007 9:56:53 GMT -5
You forgot about:
Mr. Too Cool--he's a loser, he can't get a date, you're army's just as well painted, but apparently he's too cool to play a game with you, even if you're the only too players in the store. Don't take it personally, though, he's tool cool for everyone, except maybe the guy behind the counter
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Triggerbaby
OT Initiate
Dogfucking Hamfag
Here comes a special boy!%\1\%
Posts: 134
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Post by Triggerbaby on Jun 19, 2007 22:18:31 GMT -5
Anybody have the lowdown on some prime quality residency within a reasonable commute (bus or car) from BCIT? Because I am in the need of a new living space.
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Post by McMMMNNNMMM on Jun 20, 2007 2:26:50 GMT -5
How big of a place are you looking for?
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Triggerbaby
OT Initiate
Dogfucking Hamfag
Here comes a special boy!%\1\%
Posts: 134
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Post by Triggerbaby on Jun 21, 2007 14:05:20 GMT -5
A good size. A large 1 bedroom or maybe a 2 bed f I'm feeling frisky. I can handle something of downtown style pricing.
Now that I'm looking around, there's a few apartments in the West End that look good. And it's only about 30 minutes by transit, aparently. Also: fags.
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Post by McMMMNNNMMM on Jun 21, 2007 17:34:40 GMT -5
Hey I'm from the West End.... Actually, no not really. But I do go there occasionally. Nice beach and lots to eat in the area. I'm downtown, around 10-15 minutes walk away from the West End and I think it's worth paying the premium to be in the city if you can afford it. There's not much to do in Burnaby at all.
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Post by syaireba on Jun 21, 2007 21:13:14 GMT -5
I thought it was East End boys and West End girls?
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Post by Jester on Jun 21, 2007 21:23:43 GMT -5
Hey I'm from the West End.... Actually, no not really. But I do go there occasionally. Nice beach and lots to eat in the area. What is the going rate for pork sword up Canada way, Chinesus?
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